Date: 06/6/04

40 over game.  Gusset bowling weak.  Henley bat.  Very embarrassed captain when they are 275 for 0 after 36 overs.  Had anyone actually played in a game and failed to take a wicket?  Even at Warborough a wicket always falls.  

England Under 16 captain (81), and other opener (175 no) put Gussets to sword (latter dropped on 18 by captain’s ringer; regulation slip catch, but who in the Gussets snaffles those these days?)  Finish 300 for 3.  Irons pick of the bowling, but my sincere thanks to all who had a go and kept smiling: Berens, Faure Walker, Weatherby P, Barker, and leading wicket taker and debutant Ed Blomfield.  At times however it was desperate; Davies-Jones talked himself on to bowl, claiming his wife wanted to see him do something while she was there.  She was always going to leave before Tea, no doubt to leave Jones to trough in peace.  Fielding not bad considering ageing limbs; Burns sweeping from early on positively heroic at times. A tidy keeper always helps!

Required rate 7.5 an over. Terrible start D‑J , caught 4^th ball for 0.  Not a completely wasted day as he bowled comparatively well.  Barker at 3 looked superb, fresh from 9 over hundred; Gussets’ hopes raised; unfortunately only a brisk 54.  However, Henley were suitably impressed to ask the local boy to coach.  100 for 3; Bailey, supported well until bowled. Thereafter Mr and Mrs Bailey scored the remainder of the game, so a huge thanks to Mrs Bailey in particular.

Burns and Irons continued the chase, until Burns cruelly adjudged lbw from a thick inside edge. Irons and Blomfield, formed a formidable partnership. 200-4 off 28.  Blomfield having bowled 8 overs earlier and having hit some lusty blows, too exhausted to take any more of Irons quick singles, forgot to block a straight one. 

Irons and West got to 230-5 off 31, before Irons is out. Sullivan (Rathbones) caught behind 1.

Weatherby P and West continue to 255-7 off 34, before a very harsh lb sent West back. Weatherby soon followed.

Could Berens and Faure-Walker find 40 runs off 5 overs? They fancied it; unfortunately it was not to be. All out 265 off 38. Great game, Henley were genuinely worried at times.  As if allowing our hosts to get to 300 was not generous enough, the Gussets donated £50 to help buy Henley Cricket Club ground, for Henley CC; only £443,950 to go!

A great start to the season played in fine weather. Man of the Match P.Irons, not only for his contributions on the field, but he left enough sandwiches at tea to go around.  Imagine how grateful I was.

Tim West

Ramblers Rumbled after Remenham Ramblings

A splendid evening of vintage armagnac and antediluvian entertainment at the Remenham Ramblings was not enough to prevent the Gussets chalking-up their first victory of the season against their perennial whipping-boys, the Eton Ramblers.

The controversy began before a ball was even bowled. Byng a stalwart of the Eton Ramblers had decided that the Ramblers’ quiet approach to defeat was no longer for him – he wanted a noisy victory and to mingle amongst the cricketing throughbreds of Radley (Dexter, Popplewell, Waller, Strauss, Jardine-Brown, Darymple, West, Martin-Jenkins, Inglis, Hutton, Culley…). The transfer was the subject of intense negotiation between Barber/Waller (Waller: “He went to Eton”; Barber “But he is a Gusset”; Waller: “Sure, but so are you and you are not playing for us”; Barber “Yeah, but that’s because I’m captain;” Waller: “OK, let’s toss a coin: heads we have to take him, tails you have to take him”).

The sky was June-blue and the pitch was straw-yellow. Gusset-offspring had for the most part stayed away – unable to squeeze in to the car once the cricket bag and supplement-heavy telegraph had been packed in. The only blot on the otherwise perfect landscape was the burnt wreckage of the pavilion - courtesy of some local kids with bright futures ahead of them.

Despite the near-perfect conditions the Gussets put the Ramblers in. As usual the decision whether to bat first was governed more by player condition than pitch condition.

The new ball was given to Ed Longfield who was making his long-overdue return to Gusset colours. As smoke rose from the cinders of the burnt pavilion behind him, Longfield charged in and bowled a blistering over of hostile short-pitch deliveries that threatened second slip more than the stumps. However, his face reddened with the exertion of bowling 6 balls, Ed found his rhythm and blew away the top order. Meanwhile at the other end the metronomic left-armers from J Dalton kept Eton pegged back. Only “white helmet” stood between survival and humiliation. With the Ramblers at 20 for 4 the decision to stick Eton in appeared to be vindicated.

However, with Ed on the verge of physical collapse and Eton on the verge of a complete batting collapse, bowling changes were made. First change Byng. After Byng’s first over suspicious tongues began to wag: why was this famous restaurateur serving up buffet for his Eton clientele to feast on? However the tongues soon stopped wagging once his buffet turned in to indigestible fast-food deliveries.

Waller and Jardine-Brown then joined the fray with little success. “White Helmet” started to find the middle of the bat and suddenly the Ramblers were into three figures. With a hundred on the board, doubt started to creep into the fragile Gusset psyche. Three figures, once just a milestone for prep school boys, was the Gusset nemesis.

After a lengthy two overs of leg-spin (?) from candidate Jefferson, the Ramblers were almost looking comfortable. However with three balls to go before lunch White Helmet succumbed to the sort of top-class delivery that had every one asking: could he have gone all the way?

The return of the puce-faced Longfield after lunch brought a swift end to the Ramblers’ innings. Barber, wasted at number 11, was met with the customary bouncer from Longfield. At the end of their innings the Ramblers had notched up a modest, but by Gussets-standard formidable, total of 163.

The innings was opened by the two old gentlemen of Gusset cricket: West and Owsten. Owsten was soon back to the boundary having succumbed to the Ramblers’ most potent weapon: Eton George’s index finger.  Owsten’s day was over and it was back to the boundary to teach the future of Gusset cricket about the art of opening, Meanwhile back in the middle West had been joined by Inglis. The serenity of the Owsten/West single was replaced by the asymmetrical chaos of the Inglis/West single. This prompted West to come out of his shell (not just at the seams) and to try and score his runs entirely through boundaries. This worked well until he departed for a well-struck 24.

Davies-Jones joined the fray and swatted some boundaries with the grace (and technique) of a Wimbledon hopeful. Ably assisted by slasher Sid the score crept up. Sid and D-J soon departed and Gusset nerves began to tingle. Candidate Jefferson came to the crease with something to prove. A shaky first over then gave way to a swashbuckling innings of 44 which saw the bloke from the TV drop two sitters.

As Thorpe and Giles took England towards their famous whitewash, Culley and Dalton steered the Gussets towards a famous 4-wicket victory. However not before Jardine-Brown had wandered out to the middle and back again in a haze of armagnac fumes.

It was a perfect day thanks to the tireless efforts of the Barber family. Everyone was away in good time to watch the England France game. At the time of writing we have just entered injury time and England are 1 goal to the good. I could not have hoped for a better end to a better day….

Rick Waller

Date: 17/06/04

Walduck hospitality brings Gussets flocking.  Despite organising another fixture to clash with an England game the promise of a BBQ heaped with steak, a keg of Abbot and long tables creaking under the weight of chocolate and meringue puddings ensured a massive response and considerable selection dilemma for the Joekeur’s fixture at Kentish lane.  Players came from as far as San Francisco (cue music) and the south coast as well as the more customary SW1 and 14. Despite this excess an early error was to allow Gordon Harmison-Baker to defect to the oppo before seeing him turn his arm over. Luckily the benign nature of the Kentish lane track prevented any serious injury. Waller has seen this track many times before and felt sufficiently confident in his eye and the wicket to come in without a box; there was great relief for Katie when he parked one in mid-on’s hands second ball.

 In true Gusset style the decision was made to post the total and bat first. Westy led the way ably partnered by Donald and a solid foundation was laid for the fireworks to come. Joe, skipper of the eponymous team, looked to Baker-Harmison to break the Gooch/Atherton like partnership that was developing in this 16 over-a-side game and results were instantaneous bringing first one ringer and then another to the crease. The time had arrived for a captains innings from Bailey to stem the tide: B&H was put back over his head for six and the next 10 overs saw over 100 runs scored. We finished with 149, just short of the 150 we have come to expect in these day/night matches.

The Joekeurs came out in the gathering gloom and Donald (no relation) opened up one end and Rick from the other. Pascoe looked threatening but was soon back in the pavy and what followed was a little bit of a procession in and out of the hutch. Green, wily old dog that he is, tweaked them with his leggies and picked up three, Iain Weathers bowled three tight overs and claimed wickets too and Bruno was the revelation with his erratic yet highly effective off breaks picking up three more.  The Joekeurs were all out for 95 and it was time for an early swim.

Charlie Bailey

Gussets 149 for 9, Joekeurs 95 all out

Champagne moment: Jorg Stiel (Swiss goalkeeper) for Rooney’s second

Warborough: 241-4 dec.  Defeated Gussets 233 all out.

Tradition was broken, not with Warboro batting first, but with the Gussets fielding 11 players within 15 minutes of the start time, much to Warboro’s surprise.  This did not prevent them from making hay and reaching 100-0 in the first hour, with Waller showing particular deterioration from the form of his youth. 170-2 at lunch with Berens proving an effective break-through bowler and the ‘slower ball’ a hell of a surprise given the run-up.  Biff always threatening, Byng wayward and J-Brown effective.

A fine lunch under the oak tree and enough port for everyone, given Westy’s absence (with Coulton making a strong claim behind the stumps).  Warboro took pity soon after lunch and declared on a sporting, yet imposing, 241-4.

Champagne Moment: Byng catching one in the chest without the use of any hands

The task of selecting the cream of Gussets pinch-hitters and dot ball bowlers seemed like it was going to be a tough one, particularly given our status as defending champions.  However, with Wetherby (I) failing a late fitness test and circa 50 out of 60 members coming up with some excellent excuses, the team was as usual self-selecting.

The day itself started inauspiciously with the usual Waller/Waller fixtures selection panel giving way to an apparently independent process.  We were not on Pitt for the first time in years and, to boot, we were pitched against the pre-tournament favourites, a band of accomplished cricketers with numerous honours led by Arscott Minor.

However, batting first, we posted a solid total.  Applying the principles of 20:20 cricket in exemplary fashion to this slightly shorter form of the game, everyone chipped in.  A quick-fire start from West and Bailey was followed by mature batting from J-B and Culley and a master class from Waller and Arscott Major.  At 158 off 16 we were reasonably well-placed.  In the field, bolstered by some fine pace-bowling by Johnson, we were competing until the last few overs when a Neil Mallender/Ian Dowie look-a-like gave us an inch-perfect lesson in using the short boundary.  They made it with three balls to spare and for the first time in the tournament we were in the plate draw.

A well-fuelled Gussets side took to the plate semis post-lunch in aggressive and confident fashion.  Ivory, Davies-Jones and Arbib plundered an extraordinary number of runs in the first few overs threatening the safety of some cricket-deprived Continental European school children in the process.  With 70 on the board after 5 we were anticipating a huge total of 200 plus.  However, the usual Gussets nemesis appeared in the form of a slow grenade thrower; the scoring pace slowed somewhat and we finished with circa 170.  Arscott threw caution to the wind and opened the bowling with the two spinners, F-W and Arbib.  The scoring rate was high but they ripped through the opposition’s top order and Davies-Jones and Ivory feasted on the remains.

So to another final, albeit the plate.  We fielded first and bowled reasonably all round.  We were treated to the site of Bailey bowling in Gussets colours for the first time in years; great whippy action despite doing nothing with the ball.  However, the fielding was abysmal and smacked of bodies no longer able to respond to willing minds.  Overthrows, misfields, 1s turned into 2s gave us a challenging total to chase.  Against some tidy but unspectacular bowling we were never in the hunt.  Bailey came in with two overs to spare and tried to show those who came before him how to chase but it was a valiant effort too late. 

Champagne moment: Arscott trying to catch one behind his back and resulting humiliation.

Blinding day. Yattendon a picture. Good turn-out from the Genuine Gussets (sorry, Radley Gussets). Only A. Strauss missing (detention). Special mention to Adam Wylie and Nick Walford. Johnno and his Bag of Ringers (sorry, 'The Rest of the World') also out in force (a good effort, given Ludgrove term starting that day).

Two schools of thought over the format: more or less cricket? Waller wins the day - so a two-innings match. True Gussets (sorry, Radley Gussets) restrict Guy Barker and co. to 115 off their 16. Did I say restrict? Plenty of fire and brimstone from Morgan, Durden-Smith. Plenty of accurate trundle from J-B. A triumphant recall for Cantor, almost a decade after the "spell from hell" in South Africa. Nevertheless, plenty of boundaries too. McCallum tidiness itself behind the stumps.

Real Gussets (sorry, Radley Gussets) fall 30 runs short thanks in the main to some quality hostility from ROW's Longfield, snorting like Puff the Magic Dragon, crucially dismissing J-B first ball. To the Pot Kiln for lunch, jugs of Speckled Hen and rolls, some mysteriously without fillings. Too much finger-pointing for my liking. Why, when there's food missing, does everyone always look at Tim?

Wives and children repair to Mead House (many thanks Mark and Rachel - and for an excellent tea) for swimming while the teams resume and go at it like Hector and Achilles. Lots of heart from the Proper Gussets (sorry, etc.) but bags of quality from the ROW. Even a first ball LBW (always contentious) for the little man under the lid (Arscott) can't stop an imposing ROW total. Again Barker the tormentor. Not helped by an untidy display by the second-string keeper.

Original Gussets had a go (Waller in control for a bit) but when Longers took J-B for a second duck, it never looked likely. 12 needed off the last over, last man in, more fours required than our Jack has hit in his career. Controversy at the death, a wide called off the last ball, with the batsman halfway to the pavilion. Keeper only takes the bails off. Next year this fixture to be called Gentlemen v Players.

No hard feelings, some decent cricket, plenty of sunshine and laughs. See you next year.